Stitches are out!

Hi all.
Well, today I got the stitches out. Pretty amazing surgeon. There will be very, very, very little scarring. Good job doc!
I asked him to talk to me about "glioblastoma multiforme", so he did. Doesn't sound too promising. Just will do the best I can in the time I have. Thank you God for all you have done. When the time comes, God willing, I'll h ave my family here with me and we'll do the best we can.
So, so funny how you try to prepare for life and then it throws you a curve like this. Lois and I thought we had prepared for the worst. In my case, that means me going first, and yet, not in our wildest dreams did we ever think that likely. Nevertheless, here it is.
Lois will have her Social Security and a LOT of savings. Hopefully we will have planned it OK for her. If all goes well, we will have. If everything goes south, like it sometimes can, then what she will have is what she will have. That is why you have family after all!
As for the cancer, well, it sounds pretty serious. I think health nuts galore can say all they want, but I don't think they can beat this. Not in a million years. Maybe, but I would never bank on it. Folks like the Kennedy's and others that have had the same kinds of experiences would probably agree also. Dying is a part of living, so, that is what we will do when the time comes for us to do it.
I know this sounds hopeless to some of you. It is not meant to sound that way. It is meant to be practical, realistic, on the ground, routine kind of thinking. It may not sound that way, but in reality, that is what it is. I don't want to hope for more than God is willing to deliver, or wants to deliver.
There is more I should probably be writing about all of this, but I'm OK with it really. Really, I am. I'll be OK until the end and then I'll wake up when the Lord wants us all to be together. Praise his name for that.
For now, let me close with the words of one of the Psalms sent to me recently:

Psalm 61 - NASU

1 Hear my cry, O God;

     Give heed to my prayer. 

2 From the end of the earth I call to You when my heart is faint;

     Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

3 For You have been a refuge for me,

    A tower of strength against the enemy. 

4 Let me dwell in Your tent forever;

    Let me take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. Selah. 

5 For You have heard my vows, O God;
    You have given me the inheritance of those who fear Your name. 
6 You will prolong the king's life;

    His years will be as many generations. 

7 He will abide before God forever;

    Appoint lovingkindness and truth that they may preserve him. 

8 So I will sing praise to Your name forever,

    That I may pay my vows day by day.

Today I read about a type of treatment called “gamma knife”. It refers to a kind of treatment available here in the USA and maybe not so restricted. On the other hand it seems to be less routinely available than that. That is why I need to contact OHSU now, today, to see what and when it is available.

The “gamma knife” surgery system seems to be a very, very precise surgical treatment using radiation to cut out the tumor and to leave nothing in its place. It appears to be so precise that it can cut out tumors without harming nearby good cells. This does indeed appear to be a kind of surgery that I might both qualify for and that  might be affordable to me.

There is another kind of treatment, alternative to the above, that is based in Houston, TX. It is available at the Burzynski Clinic there and would appear to be very very acceptable also. It does not rely on surgery to remove the unwanted tumor, but relies on "neoplastid" replacement technology. The technology is best described at the following website: http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/what-are-antineoplastons.html

Both of these kinds of treatment seem viable and NOT in competition with each other. Perhaps they can and should be done in combination with each other. These are the kinds of questions that I need to have answered as best as I can.
Not a lot of news today except for following up on the above two therapies. I will try to do some of this today.

Another Day

I suppose I will get used to writing these posts eventually. About the time I get used to them then something will have changed and it will be time to move on and to start another post.

One of the things I hope I never get used to is to write to each of you readers as a reader and not as a nameless and numberless person out there. I want you to believe that I am writing to you and that I am concerned about what you have to say about me and that I am concerned about what you do not have to say.

As time goes on I am sure that the number of writers out there that read this will diminish and eventually falter. That will be fine. I'm not writing it on their behalf either. I'm writing it for the few of you that will want to hang on and to explore this disease that I have for now. We will explore it up and down and in and out and all around. We will take it inside to see what is happening there and then outside to see what is happening there. We will take it to all of those places and maybe to some we haven't even thought of to explore it there!

How do you take a disease like glioma blastoma and talk about it in all of those cases as relevant and meaningful and important to me here as a daily person writing about it? It has a name. It has an unknown cause. It has multiple scientific facts about it. But perhaps the most common multifacet that it has is that it is generally not understood. It could be starting from nothing. It could be starting from something that was not meant and becoming something that is meant. It could be starting from something that was meant to be and is still not apparent. What is that?

Nevertheless, while one of the posts of this series will have to deal with its own history, or more posts, many of the posts will deal with other things about its history and consequences that I won't have the slightest understanding about. I'll just deal with them as best I can and then pass them along.

That's all for now. Hope you have a good day.
Check back later for more writing in case the spirit moves me.

God bless,
Wade

Day Three Of My Recovery

Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Today is Day 2 of my recovery. Technically it could be Day 3. Who cares. Days don't matter so much at the moment. What matters is getting better.

We took the Toyota Sienna to the dealer today to be serviced. It didn't take long and the driver should be back shortly to take us there. It came to $437.67 cents (or somewhere close in that range). Not bad for once every two years.

Nothing else went on today. We just stayed at home and I took in the time to get better. Hopefully by the end of the week that will be me! Meanwhile, I'll wait to see individuals during the week and to talk with family on the phone. I enjoy talking with family on the phone. It makes things nice.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It could be worse. It could be better. Who knows. But one thing I know - I will try to make it better. It is my job to make each day I have left the best it can be. The very best. That is all I have to do. All I can do. So, with that in mind I plan to make it happen.

There is lots to do around here, so I will start here. Then I'll go beyond the grounds here to see what I can do. Little by little it is my job to make things happen as fast as they can because I do not know how long I will have to make them happen.

By the way, the surgeon called today. He told me that the MRI came back and it is "glioblastoma multiforme."
He will keep me posted in the next few weeks about the prognosis and what to do.

God bless everyone. God take care of you all.
by grace,
Wade

One Day Of The Rest Of My Life

Monday, October 16, 2011
Today I begin my blog of my recovery.
My recovery! What does that mean? Total recovery? Partial recovery? No recovery?
We shall see.
My first thought is that I should survive somehow, somewhere, sometime. I don't know why I have that thought, but I just do.
My previous recovery journal was upbeat and clear. No reason for it to be downgraded. No reason for it to be down geared. I hope it takes off just like that. And I hope that it takes off just like the rest.
Well, that's all for now. More tomorrow.
Wade

A New Adventure

Well, I'm calling this a new adventure, but it actually started some months ago and perhaps several years ago. But it is and will be an adventure - a journey into the semi-known, albeit better understood now than in the past, realms of the brain.

The impetus for the journey surely started at least several years ago and perhaps decades ago. Who knows? It started when something started to "grow" somewhere near the left temporal lobe of my brain, or [this is part of the journey - to find out the details of exactly where] possibly near the left temporal lobe but also near the base of the frontal lobe. I am sure I will learn much more about these places as time goes by. In fact, little did I know that "The Education of Wade Austin" would take such a turn when I started this blog. Such is life and a life learner.

Speed forward to a time I do recall and the beginning of recognizing that something was not quite right because I was having instances of memory loss. Lois remembers these episodes far better than I do because I was not always cognizant of the "episodes" at the time they occurred except as she would afterward explain or describe them to me.

Rather than sequence them now (I like writing, but I hate to take time out to get the details in sequence when I'm on a roll!), I'll simply describe several that have happened in the last four months (June 2011 until now - September 27, 2011). One instance was early morning and I had been reading or writing in the den. When I heard Lois up, I came in for another cup of coffee and greeted her with a good morning kiss. I got my coffee, returned to the den, but came back out in five minutes to refresh the coffee and again greeted her with a good morning kiss. She thought that was nice, but let me know I had already done it once a few minutes before (which I did not recall).

On yet another occasion we came home from shopping and there was a message on the phone. I checked the message and put the phone down, but then a few minutes later I said, "I have to check the messages on the phone," and checked it again. When I did the same thing a third time Lois told me that I had just checked it two times, but again, I had no recollection of having done so.

Other experiences, more frequent in recent months, have been the occurrence of déjà vu sensations and/or an aura of a smell that isn't real. The smell is usually somewhat like hot roofing tar and as a result it triggers a memory of smelling the same thing as a boy walking home from school and smelling the same kind of smell. Once, at the beginning of a management team meeting where we live, I suddenly experienced a déjà vu feeling accompanied by a sense of fear and the smell too. I had to excuse myself and did so by leaving the table and explaining the sensation to the group once I returned. This meeting was near the beginning of August.

I had gone to see the doctor after one of the earlier experiences and he had order basic blood tests and took notes. The blood tests came back normal except for slightly elevated cholesterol, so we didn't worry much. Then I had a memory loss experience near the end of August, the weekend of August 26, 27 and 28, when we went camping at a state park near Coos Bay, Oregon. On Saturday morning, the 27th, we went into town with my son Nathan and his in-laws to get some brakes repaired on their car. While there we decided to get some breakfast, but before breakfast Nathan and I started a conversation about computer technology. {I only remember it based on the accounts of others.) Our conversation was interrupted when some of us went to McDonald's for breakfast and some went to a local bakery type of restaurant. When we finished breakfast the car still wasn't ready and Nathan attempted to resume our conversation and my response was "What are you talking about?" That apparently freaked out Nathan and he asked his mother "What's up with dad?" She told him she would explain later, which she apparently did, but I vaguely recall having a conversation and not the details.

When we returned to camp Lois and I had to move our truck camper to a different spot across from where we had spent the night. We lifted the jacks and I moved the truck and camper, but just after doing so I said to Lois, "We have to move the camper." She told me that I had just moved the camper, but I insisted that no, we had to move the camper. She pointed out that we had been in the other spot and recognition set in that we had indeed been there, but I had no recollection of moving the camper. Nor did I remember adjusting one of the tie downs because I asked Lois, "Did you move that tie down?" She had to tell me that I had done it before moving the truck.

There were no more episodes on that trip, but it was an impetus to see the doctor once again. So when we returned I made an appointment after Labor Day to see the doctor. Based on the accounts of what had been happening he decided to order an MRI, so on September 12 I did have an MRI without contrast (a special dye) and the images revealed "something". So, to get a better look, the doctor ordered another MRI, this time with contrast. The results revealed a 9mm something. According to the radiologist it is in the left temporal lobe and would account for the sensations I have been having. My doctor, Dr. Audrey Williams, felt it warranted a referral to a neurosurgeon, and so I made an appointment for today with Dr. Samuel Hughes.

Dr. Hughes wanted to know why I came to see him, even after seeing the MRI images. Lois explained the episodes leading up to today. Then Dr. Hughes explained why a surgeon did not necessarily have to be the next referral and why he, even though a surgeon, would not rush to cut. The spot could be a lot of things. It could be one of a couple kinds of aneurysms or perhaps, more generally, some sort of vascular problem. It could be a tumor. It did not necessarily have to be in the left temporal lobe. It could be in the frontal lobe or in the area between the frontal lobe and the temporal lobe. In any case, it is deep. It could be malignant or benign. It could be totally within the neuro spinal column (NSC) or it could be a tumor from somewhere else in the body - another cancer elsewhere. Therefore, many tests are warranted to rule out cancer elsewhere in the body and a consultation with a neurologist would help to rule out, or in, MS or epilepsy.

Wow! Sounds like a great case!

Wine

Part of my education, this late in life, is to learn what wines I enjoy most as well as learn to discriminate the nuances of wine so that I can describe a wine's flavor and its impact on my palate. Recently I had my first experience at wine tasting while returning from our trip to Alaska. We were almost home, on the Washington side of the Columbia river at Maryhill and proceeding west along Washington State highway #14. We stopped at a small winery, Cascade Cliffs, and indulged in my first ever wine tasting experience at a winery. All I can say is, "It was great." The winery was small enough that the manager (not the owner) described the 5 wines available that day for tasting. I very much enjoyed experiencing varieties I would otherwise not have tried and one in particular caught my fancy, and the price was right, so I bought it.
We also stopped at Maryhill winery and I tried their wine tasting varieties. They were generous in their samples, but I wasn't nearly as impressed with the wines as I was with Cascade Cliffs, yet Maryhill is a larger winery and much more well known.
Tonight for dinner I opened a Chianti from Italy - Gabbiano Chianti Classico 2007 - that I bought on sale at Safeway. Normally 8.99 a bottle, Safeway had a 30% off sale, so I took the opportunity to buy 12 bottles of various varieties. The Chianti is a keeper. It was great with the grass feed beef steak we had for dinner, but I think the "spiciness" of this somewhat dry wine would be awesome with pasta or pizza. I'll look for this wine again!
Isn't education fun!