Tolerance and Intolerance

Tolerance and Intolerance

In her “This I Believe” essay, “Finding Our Common Ground”, Robin Mize expresses much of the angst about sharing political views with family members that are at odds with their views. I totally related to what she had to say. My own frustration was a major catalyst for me to create this blog.

I find myself not only at odds with some of my friends and family [though, assuredly, not all], but what troubles me most is how viscerally upset I get at some of the ideas propounded by educated and reasoning relatives and friends. I feel my blood pressure rising, and struggle as I might, my frustration becomes visibly evident. Why can I not just change the subject and move on to converse about something else less troubling to me? Partly it is because “they” won’t let it rest.

But why can I not calmly probe with questions that will elucidate the fallacy of “their” reasoning? Partly it is because they counter with more and more astounding “facts” and unfounded assertions to the point where no matter what reason I attempt to bring to bear on the issue is buried under an avalanche of falsity. Partly it is because I am not armed with facts that I can spout with equal surety to their assertions. So what to do?

I cannot recount a recent such incident accurately in detail, so I won’t attempt to do so. I just know that I handled it poorly. The assertion was the continuing belief by many that Obama was not born in Hawaii and is not legally a U.S. citizen. Because I knew I would be too agitated and frustrated to discuss the assertion rationally, I immediately said, “I don’t even want to talk about this. I don’t believe it for a minute and the idea is so preposterous to me that I don’t even want to talk about it.” I said all of this in an agitated tone of voice and was upset with myself even in the moment, but I was out of control. The follow-up comment was something to the effect [short version], “but it’s written right here.” My response, “What makes you think that what is written is true?” With a chuckle, the response was essentially, “Why would anyone lie about this in a published article of this authority?” Indeed, I have to ask myself, “Why?” and not have an answer except “Why would Hillary Clinton let him get by with it, or John McCain, or any of the Supreme Court justices, or any of hundreds of capable foes to Obama that would stand to gain by his being so fundamentally disqualified?” [Resisting the temptation to add, “Are they more stupid than the writer of the article?”

Enough said about my own failings to remain calm and self-assured at such moments. More important is the ideal to be strived for and eloquently described by Robin in her essay that I heard on The Bob Edwards Radio Show. She is a self described liberal Democrat in a family of conservative Republicans. [She even calls them “the enemy.”] She concludes her essay with the statement, “It seems to me that here in my family is an essential element of our democracy: We agree to disagree. Our ability not only to accept, but to respect, our differences is our common ground.” I do not yet have the ability to accept, much less respect, differences based upon what I believe are preposterous assumptions and assertions. Hopefully, I can at least learn to calmly say, “Let us agree to disagree on this subject.” That is not much common ground, but it seems like the responsible [response able] thing to do. Responsibility in such instances will have to await discussion in a future post.